Taking Another Swing At It...

Well, about two years ago I came home from the CMC-South Math Conference all fired up and wrote a whopping 2 blog posts... and haven't done a thing here since!

I had wanted to offer something to help other math teachers/students in some way, but I got busy, and deep down, I guess I wasn't sure what I could offer up that didn't already exist somewhere else. So, instead of worrying about giving the world something new, this is a purely selfish introspective post because my mind is running around with things and hopefully this will help me process and move forward :)

Currently, I am planning to go back to CMC and speak again - all by myself - in just a couple of weeks (TWICE, by the way - yes, I am totally nervous). I had to submit my proposals way back during last school year, BEFORE I changed grades and changed schools. Since that time, besides having my entire school-life-routine upended, I have slowly and grudgingly waded into the waters of the #MTBoS in hopes of finding inspiration, professional development, and like-minded math-loving teachers trying to make the school experience better for kids (AND teachers!).

Well, I did find those things, but I will tell you, it certainly hasn't made anything easier or more clear. If anything, I find that I am left questioning everything and wondering if I made the best decision(s). I feel like my best strengths as a teacher bring with them my greatest weaknesses and I can't seem to separate one from the other. I see value in both sides of most arguments, leaving me wondering which direction to head.

I tried about five times to write a good example to explain myself here, but I decided the wordiness required to get my point across just isn't worth it. Basically, the place my mind has settled for the time being is in thinking that it is really about balance and time and has nothing to do with choosing sides.

I want to focus on big things with kids - "things" like critical thinking, problem solving, analyzing situations, forming and justifying conclusions. Essentially, what I believe I really owe my students is the Mathematical Practices. And yes, I am using my content standards for 8th grade to convey those "things." The problem is... it just takes so much time. There is no way that I could teach every 8th grade standard to mastery this way, at least not this school year. So I have to make choices about where to focus my deep lessons, and also where to skim and skip. I have to balance the big picture (math practices, 4-C's, College/Career Readiness, etc.) with the small (grade level standards, past mathematical holes, standardized testing) and choose how I spend my time with my students. Is this hard for anyone else?

I want so much to do what is right for kids. The problem is... I don't always know specifically what that is, especially when I have to consider the needs of so many at a time. I've heard many times about the impact of a caring adult on a child. There are days where I feel like that's the only thing I know I got right... I hope, for now, that that's enough.