Gearing Up for CMC South 2015

I've been kind of stressing myself out over the upcoming CMC South Conference and the fact that I am presenting by myself for the first time (twice in the same day, mind you). I am a different teacher  now than I was when I submitted those proposals, and I want to offer the best of my knowledge and experiences. So... I wound up changing everything at the last minute.

I actually do that all the time for my lessons too. I plan out everything - sometimes I even have made copies of things ahead. Then I get an idea or someone challenges my thinking and I have to go and change things at the last minute. I mean, I actually like that I'm willing to be flexible, but the fact that I can't just let things be sometimes is actually very annoying... Especially when I am a busy type of person and I have deadlines looming and piles of unfolded laundry and I didn't clean the bathroom this week and somehow I need to figure out how to get my 8th graders through 3 days of subs without losing too much mathematical momentum and I'm trying to ignore the fact that I'm kind of freaking out about presenting in 6 days and I think you get the picture.

It's funny. I showed some of the Jo Boaler videos to my math students at the beginning of the year and we had discussions about fast vs. deep mathematical thinkers. I am definitely one of the latter - I can't really take action on something until I see it from various angles and understand it and come to my own conclusions about where I think I should head. But once I get my mind wrapped around something, I can power out a ton of stuff. The problem is that I don't know a "fast" way to get to the point where I'm ready to be the work horse.

So... When I had my thinking challenged and found new ideas and resources and awesome people doing awesome things, I had to update my "mental model." This meant that all of the ideas that I had planned out for presenting suddenly were in flux and I wasn't sure where I was going to wind up. So after getting a TON of stuff together over the summer and feeling pretty sure of things in terms of my presentations, I suddenly had this ridiculous need to change it all around to match my updated (and still changing) view of what mathematics education should be. BUT, since it's still changing, I was feeling kind of paralyzed about how to move forward.

Well, today I decided that I was going to keep the best from the past, add in what new stuff I could already wrap my mind around, and ask the audience for the rest. I will admit, the idea seemed crazy at first, but I was realizing that 90 minutes is really not a very long time, and I want so much for the experience I offer for my attendees to actually fill a need for them. If I pre-determine every little thing, I don't think that's really possible. So I made my spiel, created an example to demonstrate, and then I'm going to poll the audience and go where they take me. Hopefully my audience is awesome so my presentation can be awesome too :)

Taking Another Swing At It...

Well, about two years ago I came home from the CMC-South Math Conference all fired up and wrote a whopping 2 blog posts... and haven't done a thing here since!

I had wanted to offer something to help other math teachers/students in some way, but I got busy, and deep down, I guess I wasn't sure what I could offer up that didn't already exist somewhere else. So, instead of worrying about giving the world something new, this is a purely selfish introspective post because my mind is running around with things and hopefully this will help me process and move forward :)

Currently, I am planning to go back to CMC and speak again - all by myself - in just a couple of weeks (TWICE, by the way - yes, I am totally nervous). I had to submit my proposals way back during last school year, BEFORE I changed grades and changed schools. Since that time, besides having my entire school-life-routine upended, I have slowly and grudgingly waded into the waters of the #MTBoS in hopes of finding inspiration, professional development, and like-minded math-loving teachers trying to make the school experience better for kids (AND teachers!).

Well, I did find those things, but I will tell you, it certainly hasn't made anything easier or more clear. If anything, I find that I am left questioning everything and wondering if I made the best decision(s). I feel like my best strengths as a teacher bring with them my greatest weaknesses and I can't seem to separate one from the other. I see value in both sides of most arguments, leaving me wondering which direction to head.

I tried about five times to write a good example to explain myself here, but I decided the wordiness required to get my point across just isn't worth it. Basically, the place my mind has settled for the time being is in thinking that it is really about balance and time and has nothing to do with choosing sides.

I want to focus on big things with kids - "things" like critical thinking, problem solving, analyzing situations, forming and justifying conclusions. Essentially, what I believe I really owe my students is the Mathematical Practices. And yes, I am using my content standards for 8th grade to convey those "things." The problem is... it just takes so much time. There is no way that I could teach every 8th grade standard to mastery this way, at least not this school year. So I have to make choices about where to focus my deep lessons, and also where to skim and skip. I have to balance the big picture (math practices, 4-C's, College/Career Readiness, etc.) with the small (grade level standards, past mathematical holes, standardized testing) and choose how I spend my time with my students. Is this hard for anyone else?

I want so much to do what is right for kids. The problem is... I don't always know specifically what that is, especially when I have to consider the needs of so many at a time. I've heard many times about the impact of a caring adult on a child. There are days where I feel like that's the only thing I know I got right... I hope, for now, that that's enough.